Introduction to a future rock climber
Hello! My name is Matt Borgerding. I am a senior and my major is Health and Exercise Science Pre-Physical Therapy. The coolest thing about my major is that we have to opportunity to dissect cadavers for human anatomy as well as a great deal of very interesting courses that have to do with how the body works as and how to live a healthier life. My best accomplishment last semester was getting an A in physics 2 by 10 points. My favorite movies are Shooter and Hot Rod. I like alt. rock, classic rock, rap, hip-hop, classical and folk rock music. My current goals are to graduate and then apply to Physical Therapy School. My long term goals are to become a successful physical therapist without any students loans. My favorite food is by far pizza. My record is 20 slices at Mazzio's. My favorite thing to cook from scratch is anything in the fridge on a tortilla. If I had a day off I would sleep and then go fishing. My hobbies include hunting, fishing and trail hiking. I have recently got
Matt, I read your story The Animal Magnetism of Saint Blaise. I have also never read anything Armenian (that I know of). You provided sufficient background information on what "animal magnetism" is. I think that it would be a good idea to expand upon the good deeds that Saint Blaise performs for the town in order to give him more of a reputation before you present the actual problem of the frog being stolen by the bear. This way, we will expect great things from him. Overall, the story flows very well. I would be careful not to mix tenses when writing as it can be confusing to the reader. Also, there seems to be a disjuncture between the first two-thirds of the story and the last one-third. I think that it is necessary to put as much into the dialogue as you did leading up to it, because it feels very rushed right now. Good job with this story.
ReplyDeleteAnimal Magnatism is interesting, and I didn’t know much about it until this piece. It’s interesting to say the least, and thank you for writing about it so I can broaden my knowledge on the subject! There are a few things that caught my eye while I was reading the piece. You use the “once upon a time” intro, which is great, but the story seems more scientific than it does fantastical, so it caused a little bit of confusion as to what sort of feel you were trying to give with this story. The image at the bottom of the page was funny, but it seemed to be put there forcefully, and it broke into the trance that the story had brought me into. More details on the characters would make it easier to really get into their heads, but your descriptions of setting and the like were good.
ReplyDeleteHi Matt! Your portfolio set up is mystical! The dark blues and backdrop photo of woods gives your pages an eery feel! Your intro is inviting, and I like the "..." at the end of your sentence, leaving us eager to read your story! I am curious to what "Penultimate" refers to, so that might be something you introduce on your main page. As far as your story goes, I thought it was very detailed. I agree with Cassidy, and would like to know some more details on your characters, making it easier to picture them in my head and understand their position. Your dialogue was great! I wonder how your story would be different if the dialogue was spread throughout the story rather than in one section? That might be an idea to explore in your future writings! Overall, very great story and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi Matt!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your portfolio design is perfect for you story type thus far. The coloring and pictures give you an idea of what's to come.
I read your story about animal magnetism and was immediately drawn in. At first, I had no clue what this could be about, but you did an excellent job providing sufficient details explaining the phenomenon. I also really appreciated the breakdown of pronunciation as I tend to get stuck on those words while reading in my head because I am curious as to whether or not I am pronouncing the word correctly. I also love that you introduced the donkey as the saint's good friend.
I think it would add to your story if you included some detailing of the frog being stolen. This may help your reader understand just how powerful this big foot is.
Overall, this was a great story and you did an amazing job of bringing everything together and keeping your reader engaged!
Hello Matt!
ReplyDeleteI truly enjoyed your story Animal Magnetism and was drawn in from the start. I thought you did a great job with describing the characters (especially the donkey). One of the things I was wondering was why did the bigfoot creature steal the boy’s frog in the first place, and how did he do it? I also was thinking that the ending was slightly abrupt so maybe you could add more details towards the end about how they resolved things. Overall great story though.
I also read your Doctor’s Revenge story and though that it was very good as well. I did notice that you misspelled a few words or left a word out accidentally so you might want to check that out. I was wondering why the king wanted to kill these people in the first place? I also wondered how with all of the men described to be there the doctor made such an easy escape? I think it could use a little more details in that aspect but was overall really good and enjoyable to read.
Hi Matt,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story and getting to know Saint Blaise and Esek. I thought you did an awesome job using details to describe the appearance of certain things. I always like to picture the story in my head as it plays out so it was easy to imagine the characters and where the story took place. I had never heard of animal magnetism until I read your story but I find it very interesting. I may look up an extending definition of it but I think your definition was explained just enough for your story. One thing I would maybe change is expanding the good deeds that Saint Blaise has done for the town in order to see what kind of favors he had done to gain a good reputation. I also feel that the ending could have been extended a little more such as when Big Foot was conversing with Saint Blaise. Maybe Saint Blaise could have comforted him a bit more before retrieving the frog. Overall it was a great story!
Hey Matt!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story of "Animal Magnetism". I think you did a good job of applying it to modern day animals and tried to make it a little more fictional as well with adding big foot into the story. I know some believe he is real. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. You also did a great job of character description and describing the setting of the story. One thing I would try and add is maybe a little push back from big foot to Saint Blaise to add some drama at the ending of your story. I felt like it was cut short and could use some action.
I also read your second story and thought that making it a spooky kidnapping story was a very creative twist. I am a sucker for scary stories. Make sure you go back and re-read your stories though. There were some grammatical errors, spelling errors, and words were left out in some paragraphs that made me have to re-read sentences to make sense of the sentence. Overall though , it was an interesting read and I really enjoyed your writing as it was very descriptive and was easy to imagine as I read. I cant wait to read more!
Matt
ReplyDeleteI’ve never read anything about Armenia either, but I think it’s really great that you looked into that! I really enjoyed your story. I don’t think there is much that you could change, but you could maybe add something in about why Big Foot stole the frog. Was he just doing it to get Saint Blase’s attention? And Big Foot’s feelings towards Saint Blasé were a little unclear. First he tells him to leave, but then he says he wants to see him more. SO maybe consider adding a little in to clear that up.
I read the story about the physician and the king too during that unit, and I really like what you did with it. I think bringing it into modern times was a smart move on your part. There could maybe be more information on the king, because I feel like I didn’t really know who he was, and why he had so many enemies. But other than that, I really enjoyed the story!
Matt,
ReplyDeleteI am in the Indian Epics course, so I was excited to look at your project to see the similarities and differences compared to mine! First of all, I really enjoyed the layout you chose for your project. It is clean and easy to navigate, which was especially important since I did not know how similar our projects would be.
Your story Animal Magnetism was excellent! I loved how many photos you used and the way you section off the different areas of your story with them. It gives your story a very organized and uniform look. This is definitely something I am going to begin doing in my stories, so thank you for the idea! You are an excellent writer. I am very impressed by the dimensions of your story. You have loads of description, paired with carefully written dialogue. I am also surprised by the length of your author's note. I see this as such a key part of the retellings, especially for people who have never read your story before. It is one of my most given pieces of advice to give people in my course, and I love that you do this in your stories.
The Doctor's Revenge is another incredible story. I am blown away by your writing skills. This story was so easy to read and so engaging. I love the suspense used throughout your story, it made me read your story so fast to get through all the drama.
Overall, your project looks absolutely amazing! I will definitely be coming back to see all the progress that you make. Good luck in this course and in all your classes for the rest of the semester!
Hey Matt! I like the set up for your home page. The background and colors make it feel a little spooky. The descriptions for your stories give readers an idea of what they’re about to read without spoiling anything. For your first story, I really like that you included lots of pictures throughout the story. I did notice that the captions were in different fonts and different size text. It might be a good idea to look at what your blog looks like as other people see it instead of only in the edit view. The text from Image information and down is in black and very hard to read on the dark background. I’d read your second story before, but something stood out to me. If the king tells the doctor he is going to help him, why does the doctor beg the king to let him help him? And then the king allows him to help him. He’s already demanding his assistance, he can’t bargain by offering what’s already expected. Overall, your portfolio is coming along very nicely! There are just a couple things that you might consider altering.
ReplyDeleteHey Matt! Good work on your portfolio!
ReplyDeleteAnimal Magnetism: I liked your modern twist on the story and how you treated it like a case study. That's so different and fresh! I think it would stand out more if you really stuck to that "case study" set up. Maybe everything that happens with him looking for the boy's frog is being observed by a doctor who is taking careful notes? Maybe he is worried about the future of this phenomenon, how it could spread, will there be any negative side effects, etc.?
The Doctor's Revenge: This was an interesting story! I think the biggest improvement to make would be that since this is such a short story (trying to keep it to <1,000 words), it may be best to jump quickly to the action rather than lead the reader off on different trails of thought. For instance, going into detail about the protesters and the doctor believing that the protestors wouldn't be successful in saving the building led me to believe that the story would be about that. With such a short platform, make sure you only share what you think your readers need to know (which isn't easy, I'm extremely guilty of sharing unnecessary information).